In business conflict, separate the person from the problem

When one of my clients finds themselves in a conflict with an employee or, in the case of a family business, a family member, my first advice to them is to never underestimate the importance of what you say. In a heated situation, it’s easy to fire off some tough words. But that kind of gut reaction can ultimately damage your plan to resolve the conflict. Words, especially harsh ones, can be sticky. They can cause hurt and impact the conversation in ways you might not be able to imagine. Communication can be, and often is, misunderstood. That’s because we naturally see an issue from our own point of view, not from another’s. 

A recent Inc. article cites a famous communication research standard, called the 7-38-55 rule, that explores factors that influence communication. Unfortunately, the results of this research are frequently misinterpreted. 

The erroneous assumption is that 7% of communication relies on words, 38% on tone of voice and 55% on body language. What the researchers really found is that in an emotional conversation — the kind in which you will likely find yourself in more than once over the life of your business career — body language and tone of voice combine to influence whether your words are interpreted as credible and believable. For example, if you say you are sorry, but your body language and tone of voice aren’t aligned with your words, it’s likely the other person won’t believe that you are sincere.